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Junkie

from Shapeshifter by Violet Bell

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about

We live in a world that feeds on our addictions. From phones to sugar to heavier substances, it can be hard to find balance. Underneath the endless hunger there is a wound that has something to teach us. When we turn toward the pain with compassion and curiosity, it can become a gift that guides us to healing.

This is the final song we wrote for Shapeshifter. We recorded it as a duo - the original incarnation of our music - in one take.

Sometimes life can feel like one big ache. Numbing that feeling and doing anything to run from it has driven our addictions. In letting go of substance abuse, we are learning that when we surrender and let ourselves feel what we feel, we become awake to life. Instead of hiding, we can show up for the terrifying possibilities of love, loss, and being seen. We can learn to tolerate (even love?) our natural consciousness. Sober, we still feel intensely, but it’s better than numbness. We’re alive.

The fisherman is the hungry ghost, that grasping part of us that’s never satisfied. If you’ve ever struggled with addiction, or loved someone who has, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not bad or broken. You’re human.

lyrics

babe I’m a junkie and I’ve always been
looking for something to numb the pain
call it a miracle or medicine
a crutch by any other name

free,
free
I wanna get free

oh, it’ll find me anywhere I go
even my dreams smell like smoke
take it away and what’s below?
can’t fill the hole, can’t fill the hole

free,
free
I wanna get free

Some say we’re born, some say we’re made
don’t know how but I got this way
sugar and sex, just spin the wheel
whiskey and weed and how do I feel?
deeper inside, quiet as can be
praying for grace to rescue me

babe I’m a junkie and I’ve always been
looking for something to numb the pain
going without, going within
babe I’m a junkie and I’ve always been

credits

from Shapeshifter, track released October 7, 2020

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about

Violet Bell Chapel Hill, North Carolina

✨harmony + folklore + queer + de-homogenizing the americana roots music narrative ✨ Our new album Shapeshifter is out 10/7/22. It tells the ancient story of the selkie, a seal who can take off her skin to become human, as medicine for social norms that would keep us small. ... more

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